


Symphony

by ashes_and_ashes



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Fluff and Angst, M/M, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-01-21
Packaged: 2019-10-14 02:27:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17499830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashes_and_ashes/pseuds/ashes_and_ashes
Summary: At first he thinks it is a piece of wood - it’s long and pale, shaped in a long cube. He picks it up, turning it over in his scarred hand, the object smooth and cool resting on his palm. He’s about to toss it back into the trash when he realizes. It’s a single piano key, slightly chipped, and Remus can feel his heart start to pound. He knows what it feels like, knows the tell-tale symptoms, but all Remus can do is stare at the piano key as the memories sweep in.





	Symphony

~TIME NOW~

The apartment was disgusting.

Sticky carpet, the fabric pulling at his soles as Remus walks into the tiny room. Paint flutters down from the flaking ceiling, the bare lightbulbs flickering as he drops his suitcase on the old chair. Dimly, he can hear scuttling, something moving underneath the floorboards, around the old pile of junk in the corner.

He scoffs. Once, he was the cleanest out of all of them. Once, he had refused to sleep without his own sheets, refused to borrow clothing from anyone other then Sirius. Once, he had had standards.

Remus shakes his head. If only they could see me now.

He sighs, heading over to the tiny bed shoved in the corner. The mattesss is yellowed, thin and covered in holes, but Remus doesn’t care anymore as he sits down on it.

3 years. 3 years, since James and Peter and Lily died. 3 years, since Voldemort had fallen, lost because of a mother’s love. 3 years alone, struggling to find work, reduced to begging on the streets and other, more unsavory jobs.

3 years without Pads.

Remus lets his head fall against the thin wall, his hand unconsciously reaching over his shoulder to brush against the 4 tattoos on his back.

They were simple, small. A bit of curling antler, a single white lilly, the whiskers of a mouse and a paw print. He lets his fingers wisp over them, digging into the flesh beside the one of the paw, eyes closed shut against the tears that threatens to fall. It hurt, every day, the agony threatening to overwhelm him at times. 3 years, and the pain still hadn’t gone away.

He stands, the ground swaying slightly underneath him, gritting his teeth against the memories. He’s been having them more and more, flashbacks of a different time. He spent hours in them, ghosts of an old life, trying to realize when the boy he loved became a monster, why Sirius changed.

He shakes his head quickly, the familiar darkness coloring his vision, and walks to the tiny kitchen. It’s not much - a fridge and a hot plate and a rusty sink, but he fills the battered kettle up with water anyways. He’s long since ran out of money for tea, but he makes do with a few dried mint leaves, plucked from the communal gardens near the park. He carries the mug over to the bed, his head swimming, the heat from the tea burning his fingers. It hurts, the thin metal scorching his skin, but Remus clutches tighter, because at least he can feel something other then the numbness and the anger and the sorrow.

Remus drains the cup in a gulp, the liquid burning his tongue and throat and stomach, and stands. He’s walking, to toss the cup into the sink, when a pale object catches his eye, half buried in the junk pile lying there. He places the cup down, the impact denying the thin metal, and bends down to examine it.

At first he thinks it is a piece of wood - it’s long and pale, shaped in a long cube. He picks it up, turning it over in his scarred hand, the object smooth and cool resting on his palm. He’s about to toss it back into the trash when he realizes. It’s a single piano key, slightly chipped, and Remus can feel his heart start to pound. He knows what it feels like, knows the tell-tale symptoms, but all Remus can do is stare at the piano key as the memories sweep in.

~TIME PAST~

5 hours before the full moon.

He sits on the bed, trying not to tremble.

It was always the worst part, those hours before moonrise. Time lost, spent imagining the pain, the agony of what was to come, darkness and silver and crimson.

No matter how many times he transformed, how many moons and days and hours, he still is scared.

Remus bites his lip, staring up at the slowly darkening sky. It was going to be worse, this year. Full-Autumn moon, one of the biggest ever, a night of festivals and food and laughter.

He wishes he could be there to see it.

The bed is thin, scratchy blankets twisting underneath his legs, as Remus scans the room. It’s almost empty - rough wooden floors, old rugs hanging on stone walls. An old armchair lies in one corner, a battered piano across from it. He never used it, anyways. The only one who could play was Sirius, and he hated piano music. It was one of the things Remus never asked about, the emotional baggage that Sirius still carried from his time with his family.

Remus sighs, staring down at his fingers. He wonders what they would feel like when they started snapping, changing into that beast of fur and claws and fangs.

He hears the door open, soft footsteps filling the room. He looks up, to see Sirius stalk into it, his hair messy and knotted into a lopsided bun. Sirius rushes over instantly, placing his hand on Remus’ thigh. “Hey. Hey, Moons. You good?”

Remus nods. “Yeah. Fine.”

Sirius shakes his head. “Jesus. Nothing’s hurting? Still feeling fine?”

Remus shrugs. “Yes. No. I don’t know.”

Sirius frowns. “Re?”

And maybe it’s the stress, the fear of pain, or maybe it’s just the sound of Remus’ name on Sirius’ lips, but suddenly he’s crying as Sirius wraps his arms around him.

Sirius’ chest is warm, his hands tight around Remus’ shaking body as Remus weeps Into Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius strokes Remus’ back, gentle, even strokes, as Remus gasps for air.

Sirius’ voice is calm. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

Remus takes a shuddering breath. “It’s…it’s autumn moon. Largest in 5 years.” He looks up at Sirius, eyes filling with tears. “I can’t…I can’t do this, Pads. I fucking can’t. I’m going to die, Sirius, I can’t survive this!”

“Shhh.” Sirius kisses the top of Remus’ Head. “Yes, you can. You can survive this, Re.” He bites his lip, the skin around it going white as he breathes, “Tell me.”

Tell me what to do. Tell me what to say. Tell me how to help you. Tell me how to make the agony go away.

Remus swallows. Get it together. “Um…” He glances at the piano, in the corner of the room. “Can you…can you play for me?”

Sirius’ face closes off, a wall between then, and Remus backtracks. “Or not. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to - “

Sirius cuts him off. “No. It’s fine. I just….” He grins, an empty, hollow expression. “I haven’t played for awhile.”

Remus cocks his head. “Didn’t you learn how to?”

“Yes, but…” Sirius smirks. “You know my mother. Always had to be the best. She had a nasty habit of recording my failures, and using them as an excuse to hurt me.” He shrugs. “Every mistake was a line carved into my back.”

“What did you do?”

“You learn.” Sirius laughs. “I learnt pretty damn fast how to be a good piano player.”

Remus swallows, his heart aching for Sirius, even as he winces at the soreness now setting into his own bones. “Don’t play if you don’t want to.”

Sirius winks. “It’s fine, Re. I’ll always play for you.”

He touches the keys, a simple melody, then takes a shaking breath. Remus watches, as Sirius places his hands on the piano and starts to play.

His fingers are flawless, dancing over the keys, blurs, coaxing sounds out the instrument. Each note over another, a waterfall of sound, higher and lower and so, so beautiful. Sirius’ hands are careful, deliberate, each press of the keys calculating and precise as he sways, slightly, the notes coming faster and faster.

It’s beautiful, the way Sirius played, each moment lasting forever, Remus almost forgetting the pain in his body. He crying, tears sliding down his face as Sirius reaches the end of the song, note after note and then -

Silence.

Sirius turns, slightly, but Remus is already there. They fold into each other’s arms, Sirius wrapped around Remus, pressing each other so tight together, the sun setting behind them.

~TIME NOW~

Remus stares at the piano key.

He knows he should feel something, knows he should be crying.

But all he does is reach for his wand, spinning it in his hands.

He ignores the memory, the agony it brings, buries it so deep inside of him.

Rents stares down at the piano key in his hand.

And with a flick of his wand, he turns it to ash.


End file.
